Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Well first I’ll probably ask why they chose to give me a calfskin wallet of all things. Hopefully I see there’s some money there inside that wallet. If not that’s okay too. I’ll probably tell them I love them, and finish with a bow.
You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
This kid sounds like he’s got some issues to sort out. I hope he has a monarch.. but then he’s likely to kill it. Poor kid. Poor monarch. What a sad world.. His parents need to do a better job at explaining life and death and why little fucking goons can’t just run around killing insects all the time. I mean you can, but then you might grow up to start killing bigger animals. Before you know it, he’ll be coming after Iggy Azalea the biggest animal of all. That would probably be better than killing butterflies though, society would actually be bettered I would hope.
You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm. How would you react?
I heard that if you don’t move, they won’t know that you’re there. But that’s really fucking stupid. Bees aren’t stupid, and I assume wasps are even smarter. With a name like “wasp”, you must be, right? I’d probably offer him 10 bucks to get off me and go to my roommate’s room and bug him around 10am when he starts blasting his pop-folk music and singing along while I’m trying to sleep.
You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Harris, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Harris. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Harris?
Well for one this “tortoise” (if that’s his real name) didn’t feel it was a “priority” enough to come to my “birthday party”. So, fuck that dude. He can get up on his own. Am I right? Well also he told me I’m gaining weight, and I highly doubt that to be true. Either way, I got places to be. Chick-Fil-A won’t eat itself, I don’t think.
Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
Food, food, dinner, lunch, food, happy, food
Conclusion: Harris Cole is a person. People get very hungry, just like Harris.
*Idea stolen blatantly from Blade Runner and The Wave (Australia)
